2010 - A Year of Firsts

2010 was a year of firsts for me. In January I started college (12 years late), in April I traveled to Ecuador for a mission trip (not my first mission, but first time in Ecuador), in May I began an adulterous relationship (just being honest), in June I began seeing a marriage counselor (due to the recently discovered indiscretion), in July I gave birth to Olivia Grace (the love of my life), in November I was served divorce papers (ironically at school).

I started school in January and absolutely love it. I am studying to be a nurse, FYI. While in school I befriended a handsome fellow and became close friends. Now, after being with someone for 11 years it is easy to neglect your relationship. I knew I was unhappy and that there were problems, but I was yet unaware of how severe. This new friendship progressed over the next few months and one day, through a "slip-up" on google talk, turned into more than a friendship. A short month later the affair was discovered, ended, and attempts to save marriages began.

Olivia Grace was born July 22, 11 days after my summer semester ended. She is the most beautiful, amazing thing I have ever seen. I love that little girl more than anything on earth. She brings me a joy like I never knew existed.

School started 5 weeks later. After months of counseling, crying, heartache, and indecision, I decided to leave Eddie and pursue this new relationship. This decision was not made lightly, and I fully recognize it was not the one God wanted me to choose. So, that brings us to the ugly D word. Divorce, even for the party that wants it is painful (and expensive). It tears people apart like you could never imagine. Avoid it at all costs.

Now, let me explain more fully why I have allowed you into these most intimate aspects of my life:

1. A lot of you may have know some things, but didn't know the whole story.

2. I will soon be divorced and will begin living my new life publicly. I am very happy in this new life and don't intend to hide that fact. Some of you may not be prepared for that. If not, feel free to block me or de friend me. Others have already. Or, if you really care, send me a message or call and we can talk about it. This is where you find out who your true friends are. Also, if you are in a similar situation, I would be happy to talk and share my recently and daily discovered wisdom.

3. Although the decisions I have made are admittedly fully against God's plan for my life, I still love the Lord and am actively pursuing finding my way back to the "straight and narrow."

4. God is bigger than our mistakes. His love is unfailing and unconditional. His mercy and grace are beyond earthly compare.

Let this be my prayer for 2011.

Psalm 51:1-12

1 Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins.

2 Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.

3 For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.

4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just.

5 For I was born a sinner— yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.

6 But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there.

7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

8 Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.

9 Don't keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt.

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.

11 Do not banish me from your presence, and don't take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.
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